Did I almost get taken to jail today? Yes.

Okay, okay. Let me start this off by saying that when I flew back to New York on Sunday, I got picked, at random, for a thorough security search (if your boarding pass has "SSSS" in the upper left corner, congrats, you're today's winner). The security agents went through everything I had, and opened all my belongings and searched me. I was quiet the whole time, I was patient, and I was as helpful as I could be. I understood what was going on and I was fine with it.


So today I'm walking down St. Mark's Place, with my iPod on, music blaring, when this overweight, sweaty guy in a t-shirt walks right up to me and, very irritated, says "I need to see your ID, sir." At first I assumed he was a homeless guy. "And you are...?" I said. "I need to see your ID, sir, let's go." "Um, what is this about, and who are you?" At this point he takes out of his pocket this mangled, rusty-looking badge, but he's holding it low against his side, so I can't really see it. I tell him I have no way of knowing whether it's real or not, and ask to see some more ID. "What do you mean whether or not it's real?" He asks angrily. "There are reports all the time in the news about fake cops. You must have more ID than that." "You'll see it in a minute, and I don't like your attitude!" he snaps back. He continues, "Now I need to see your ID, and I need to take this" - and at that point he starts to put his hand in my pocket. Now this is the pocket where, for years, I have carried a knife, for largely utilitarian purposes. So it freaks me out a little when some dude who has yet to establish in my mind that he is a real cop starts putting his hand in my pocket. So I start to say "whoa" and push his hand away when his partner - who, thankfully, is clearly more level-headed than anyone at this point - comes over and shows me his badge and ID. The fat cop holds up my knife and says "this is illegal" and I say, "no, it's not."

He claims it's a gravity knife, which is a particular model of knife that is illegal and is NOT what I am carrying. I tell him so, but he doesn't care. "And you better watch your attitude" he says, "because I could lock you up for this." I give him my ID and tell him that as far as I am aware, mine is not a gravity knife, and is within the legal length limit. The fat cop takes my driver's license and gets into the front seat of a waiting taxi cab.

"...um, what? Why are you in cab?" I ask the partner, who is still standing with me and who is now PLAYING WITH THE KNIFE ON A CROWDED STREET, OPENING IT AND TWIRLING IT AROUND. He tells me, proudly, that "we're undercover." He then asks me if I use this knife for fishing. Huh?

I talk with the partner for a while, and explain to him why I carry the knife, and why it's so beat up, and what I'm doing in NYC. Then he sits in the cab with the fat cop for a while. Finally the partner comes back and hands me my ID and my knife. "Okay, I'm not supposed to let you have this.." And here I interject, "If it's a problem, keep it." "Well, you need it for work, so it's fine. But my partner really wants to lock you up, so just keep it in your pocket, and don't let anyone see you have it from now on." I thank him and am on my way.

And do you know what I learned from this? What lesson could I have learned? That it's totally okay by the police to have something they believe [albeit mistakenly] to be illegal, as long as they don't see you with it? Oh, great lesson, guys. All I have conclusively learned from this is that there is some truth to the stereotype that cops get off on having power over people. Hooray for lessons I didn't need.