I was enjoying thoroughly Monday's respite from our oppressively hot weather; having left work around 5:30, I stopped off at the farmers' market to buy some pumpkin bread and raspberry apple juice, and then seated myself - juice, bread, and book in hand - near my dearly beloved statue of Garibaldi in Washington Square Park. A few pages in, I was struck with that undeniable sense of being stared at. I turned my head to the right, and there, not six inches from my side, was a squirrel. He was poised as if to pounce, and had on his squirrel countenance a look that could only say "give me the bread and I might let you walk away unharmed."
"No deal, " said I, trying to stand up to walk away. I found, however, that two more squirrels had moved right up next to my feet. One was on his hind legs, and the other crouched; the latter squirrel's sentiment was clear: "Stop screwing around, whitey, and give us the bread."
How could a person even punch a squirrel, if they had to? They're all teeth and little claws, and they practically breathe rabies and, I don't know, chlamydia, probably.
"I don't negotiate with terrorists," I told the one crouched on the bench near me. "And tell your racist friend that his act is played out. Even if it is squirrel racism. " Reminding myself that I was miles above these filthy creatures on the food chain, I rose and started to walk away. But they followed fast - almost too fast. I choked, and acted out of fear for the worst. "Heathens!" I yelled, throwing a small chunk of bread over their heads. I quickly walked the other way to the Kimmel Student Center. The guard inside had apparently seen me yelling. "Trouble with the squirrels?" he asked. Then, not waiting for an answer, he added, solemnly, "they tried to take my friend's taco, right out of his hand" and stared off, thoughtfully, into the park.
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3 comments:
From the description you gave I recognize those as undercover Detroit squirrels. Did they arrive/leave in a taxicab?
Well, see what happens when seasonal workers get laid off with no social system to protect their rights???
http://www.dehavilland.co.uk/webhost.asp?wci=default&wcp=EntertainmentStoryPage&ItemID=8209104&ServiceID=8&filterid=345221&searchid=234672&category=1
well, that HTML link worked for crap and spoiled a perfectly good joke!!!
Here is a cut and paste version of it-
Entertainment News
Burton goes nuts over Wonka
06/04/2005
Tim Burton appears to have gone a little over-the-top in the preparations for his eagerly awaited new movie.
The renowned director has reportedly spent millions of pounds perfecting scenes for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - including a nut-cracking training scheme for squirrels.
Burton was determined to ensure that the new film, which stars Johnny Depp, sticks as closely as possible to the original Roald Dahl book and has dug deep into his budget to achieve this.
The man behind Batman and the new version of Planet of the Apes claims he sent 200 squirrels to "training school" for six months in order to teach them how to crack hazelnuts for the famous nut room scene from Dahl's book.
He then got the squirrels to spend more than two months on set at London's Pinewood Studios, filming a scene where the rodents load the nuts on to a conveyor belt.
"Tim was determined to bring the nut room to life," a film insider told the Sun.
"Using squirrels proved too difficult in the first film, but he spent millions of pounds getting it right."
Pirates of the Caribbean star Depp plays Willy Wonka in the new adaptation of the children's classic, while Helena Bonham Carter will link up with Burton again to take the role of Charlie Bucket's mother.
Charlie wins one of five golden tickets hidden in the wrappers of Mr Willy Wonka's chocolate bars and gets invited to tour the magical chocolate factory in a remake of the 1971 original film.
Burton is also said to have splashed out on creating a chocolate waterfall and river for his version.
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